//these words has done and been left on draft since March actually, would like to say hello Blogger as this is the 1st post in 2022--which is nearly end in 3 months//
The day I tweeted that the self-quarantine during 2nd wave of Covid made me meet BTS was the day people raised their eyebrow. Another day I posted Yoongi's photocard from Tokopedia was the day people raised both of their eyebrows.
I never showed my interest in K-pop before, I was just a casual listener around my friends who's a fan. I used to be hyping K-pop back in junior high school, also influenced by friends. Everyday at school-break, we listened mostly on SNSD, BigBang, Shinee, Exo, 2PM, 2NE1 and the rest of 2nd gen idols (except Exo yk). After that in high school because we entered different school so goodbye my k-pop fellas. I'm more into K-dramas actually, but not that I watch every dramas, well just casual viewers too based on my mood (also the actor tho wqwq).
That's it for the background story.
Back to BTS. I think you need to read all my post in 2021. It explained a bit to what happened with me in that year. A gloomy yet happy, the most roller coaster year during my life. The year that now I'm grateful of because it happened. Full of tears? Yep. Countless lessons? It's 100% right.
It was the 1st anniversary for my dear #PuspaBakingStory. Months before I've prepared something for a little celebration. But you know rather than doing my plan, I got stuck in my room for self-quarantine because I was the one tested negative at home. So, that day I was trying to bring back the baking vibes just because I missed it. My lil sister used to join me while I was making the dough, not to help but just sat there and turned on some music. She's a K-pop fan and a multis so she listened to most of k-pop songs. As I could remember, I noticed one of the song titled Dynamite by BTS. I didn't know who it was I just knew it's a famous idol group from South Korea. I like the Dynamite's beat and since it's in English so I could easily sing along while doing the dough, it gave me power (you know I'm hand kneaded).
Later in that July 13, I searched Dynamite MV on YouTube and I was amazed. The concept is clean and cool and how I love them in pastel colours part. First, I still believe it's autotuned so I searched the live one and I found the Dynamite live @SiriusXM. I got wonderstruck to the boy with black hair in white sweater and dark-green pants. How could he's so attractive yet so cute?! I didn't know him, also the rest of the boys. Shamelessly I searched on Wikipedia and were guessing who was Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, J-Hope, Suga, RM, or V on the video. Finally I knew it was JK. Then I looked for another MVs by BTS that I found like "Ahh this song is BTS". My YouTube home was full of BTS things afterwards and innocently watched every fan-edit videos titled just like "Seokjin being a mother to BTS" "JK being a baby" etcetera. They were just sooo funny eh?! Still with the monstrous amount of curiosity, where the hell did they find these hilarious vids?? I did some research on the internet and found out it mostly came from their own reality shows like Run BTS, Bon Voyage, or their content from officials like Bangtan Bomb or Bangtan Episodes. I was like "OK, lets watch them one by one!!!!".
I didn't realize how miserable I was that time when the real mental breakdown hit me. Sturm und Drang. A whole in my head. All alone. I avoided myself from people just like what I said before. There, I found BTS was the only 24/7 friends when I opened my laptop. I felt they're real friends, real people to me. Another side of myself in my head was shouting "Hey, what's wrong with you?" but then I knew I got to accept this part of me. No days hardly passed without crying that time, then I watched Run BTS so I could laugh contently trying to run away from the problem I had faced. I read and watched about BTS pre-debut until their success story , I was in tears too thinking "Am I right now on their pre-debut phase?". On another contents like their speech or interviews, I often ended up crying. Their words are just right. Their lyrics are just true.
Along with my spiritual belief, BTS has a huge impact to me, to accept myself, to love myself more, to realize that everything need a process. Moved by their positive energy, slowly day by day I felt relieved. The stream of tears had turned down subsequently. If you want to imagine how pathetic my condition was, only by watching "stare for 7secs in the camera for Army" content, was looking back at their eyes, I could cry with no reason. Also when watching BTS Festa 2019 Jungkook documentary video singing Euphoria, I cried and said "JK, I still have a lot to do..".
Later on, when I already felt better, I knew I needed to thank them. I have to give them feedback. I used to think why do people buy albums or concert tickets or merch or spending their time streaming or voting, now I can relate that perhaps it's their expression to give back. Idols/superstars are working hard to entertain us. Yes they need money but we also need an amusement right? They work for it, we pay for it. Sadly I'm not rich so things I could now just doing votes and joining Army membership. Yep, I paid for membership at the end of January. Most people maybe will more than raising their eyebrows but also saying how useless it was. I know it's a super micro impact to them but you boys truly have my whole heart. I hope I could watch you live someday or maybe we could meet somewhere randomly so I could thank you in person. I would never forget this.
Well, it was the hard time of my life. It happened to me. I didn't want others to understand nor listening to their unnecessary opinion about this journey because this is the way Allah has given to me. I only have myself and everyone has their own path tho. Every of us is also dealing with our own things. I just hope you guys could overcome it smoothly. Just believe we can't forever be happy nor sad. It's called the law of energy. I wish you again all the good things in life. Be tough! Borahae!!💜
